The Good Guy (Part 3) - A Dating Series

Well, we got back together, and things were great! Chance and I knew we had something good and we just couldn’t let go of it. At this point, I’m a Junior and he’s a Senior in high school. We began to briefly chat about the future and things like college, moving, marriage…ya know, those real life things. I remember sitting in the bleachers on his graduation day thinking about what changes were to come. I cried a little knowing that things were going to change and over the idea that high school doesn’t last forever.

He decided that college wasn’t his thing and got a really great job in the town next to us. I was proud of him for all his hard work. I was especially proud that he was able to make a life for himself in our small town and make good money, enough to buy his own house a year or so after he graduated.

Time keeps moving and it’s my time to graduate. I didn’t really know much about college or what it took to be successful after high school. I mean, all I really cared about was Chance and I never took time to think about what my life would be like outside of volleyball games, sweet summer time, and him. My first year of college, I attended a junior college full time in a town nearby and I got a job at the local chiropractor’s office because I thought I wanted to be in the medical field. I did well and was in a honors society.

One year of college down and I knew I wanted more...more of the big city lights and being away from the small town I grew up in. This was about the time Chance bought his house. He spoke of it like it was ours and always asked for my opinion for things such as the floors, if I liked the paint color, how to decorate the bathroom and such. Although I was happy, my stomach just kind of sank because reality was starting to kick in. This was the moment I really began to think of what I wanted my life to look like and I knew it wasn’t staying in Small Town, USA.

I eventually moved off to college and really loved it. I made new friends, attended class, went out whenever I wanted to - it was like I finally became the person I was meant to be. Chance would come visit me and I loved getting to show him around. I had hoped that he would love being away as much as I did, but eventually I realized I was never going to move back to our hometown and he wanted to say there forever. After what we had already been through I didn’t want to hurt him again, but I knew that if we stayed together I would be living a lie and would be hurting him even more, so we broke up, and this time it was for forever.

We were together almost five years and feelings just don’t disappear overnight, ya know? So, after we broke up we’d still hang out on occasion... he’d come visit me or I’d sneak home to visit him. It was like this for a while until I heard he started talking to someone else. I can’t say my feelings weren’t hurt but I was also confused as to what we were doing if he’s hanging out with both of us girls. (Player, player! Just kiddinggggg….I’ve never thought that of him. He’s the good guy remember?) I asked him to secretly meet me at a bar near our hometown to clear the air and he did. That was the day he said he was beginning to date someone else and the day I got closure. If only things could have ended here on a sweet and understanding note that would’ve been great, but they didn’t.

This was when things got rough for me. I can count on one hand the number of people that know this part of the story. I transferred to a new University, subleased an apartment where I shared a place with three other girls I never met before, and had no friends in this new city. Not only that, every single person that was once my friend turned on me and stopped calling or texting me. I no longer felt welcomed in my own hometown. Y’all to say that is quite sad, don’t ya think?! I hope that there isn’t a single one of you that has ever felt that way...I’d never wish it upon anyone.

With all of this going on I sank into a depression. I vividly remember the day I was sitting upstairs on my bed in the house that my sister and I shared. I remember calling my mom balling my eyes out and telling her that I thought I was depressed. I could hardly eat. I’d cry at the drop of a pin for no apparent reason. I was going through the motions of everyday life feeling numb to the entire world. Just typing this brings the same flood of emotions I had that day. That’s how deep the hurt was. So much change had happened all at once and becoming an outcast in my hometown by “friends” I’ve known my whole life was the icing on the cake. I went to see a doctor, and sure enough, I was put on medication for depression.

Things eventually got better though. I began to meet new people but none that I’d call friends, just acquaintances. I eventually stopped taking my medication without notice from my doctor (I wouldn’t suggest doing that unless your doctor says so). I also began working out twice a day, eating only healthy, clean foods. This routine became a borderline obsession for me for a while, but it was the only way I could feel better about things. The gym became my therapy, but don’t worry, I eventually developed a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

To this day I still have no idea why I was cut off like that. It’s been a mystery to me for years, but I guess we all had to make our own decisions and choose sides somewhere down the line. I’m a better person for it and learned so much by this experience. Mainly, that you shouldn’t give your all to a boy who is just a boyfriend. You shouldn’t wrap your identity in your current dating situation because it can all change in the blink of an eye. Lastly, don’t fear who you might lose when it comes to following your dreams – you’ll either be miserable not living up to your goals, or be proud of reaching the top. Either way, not everyone will be happy for you or understand your reasoning and that’s okay.  

In case you’re wondering about where Chance and I stand now, well I there isn’t much to say because we’ve become two different people and haven’t spoken since our meet up for that one last drink. What I do know is I wouldn’t change this journey of mine. If I had not gone through a bumpy season in life then I’d have never moved to the city, worked in the wedding and event industry, lived on my own, met my husband, and so much more. I’m happy where I’m at now even if it took a lot of change and heartbreak to get here.

If you’re going through a tough season in life due to a breakup, big move, or any other sort of change I want you to know that it does get better. You might not be able to see through the darkness in this moment, but cling to your faith. I suggest getting involved in a Church group, sporting club or whatever it is you like to do. Tell yourself you are beautiful, confident, and got it going on sister because you do! God doesn’t put us through rocky times to let us fall. He does it to build us up and gift us with something even better. I can attest to this, and I guarantee He’s blessed me with a life I could have never dreamed of had I not taken a leap of faith.